Friday, January 28, 2011

Good News/ Bad News

The good news is Little Man is potty trained.

The Bad news is we have a 2.33 second window to rip off his pants, scoop him up and run him half naked through the kitchen into the bathroom before he begins the process.

The good news is I found a house to rent.

The bad news is my father seems to forget that I have lived on my own for 11 years now and still finds the need to inform me that “these days you are going to need to give them a security deposit you know?” Really dad? I wonder if the home I put you in will need one?

The good news is I have used the word vagina in a blog and gotten no negative comments.

The bad news is you can now expect much more vaginal humor out of me.

The good news is I am a year away from paying my vehicle off.

The bad news is I recently ran into someone who I have not seen in a while and they said “You are still driving this thing?”

The good news is I have been doing very well at the gym.

The bad news is I have the same gym schedule as “Swamp Ass” the very scary, unattractive man that insists on wearing cut off YELLOW sweat pants while staying on the elliptical trainer way longer than necessary- providing him ample time to create massive amounts of ass foam. He also insists on doing this on the elliptical trainer in front of the only free treadmill.

The bad news is that I forgot that it was Miss Match Outfit day at Little Mans school today.

The good news is- no one realized that I forgot.

The good news is I ordered my bikini for France.

The bad news is in order to fit in it and not end up on the Glamour Magazine DON’T pages I a) cannot eat until May b)need lessons from Snookie in how to faux glow and c)will need to make an appointment to pay someone to drip hot wax in places that hot wax need not be and then rip it off of my delicate unseen skin while asking me if I want to try a fun new shape.

The good news is I have 725 Face book friends.

The bad news is that at least one of them is probably some sicko that jerks off to my photo. The even worse news is that if this were not true I might be a little disappointed.


Andy said...

So you got away with "vagina" and decided to try out "jerks off"...... nice segway.

MorganU said...

gettin raunchier in my old age aren't I?

Anonymous said...

"ass foam" may be my favorite part of this blog....its almost equivalent to my fave term, "frothy V-" :) miss you

MorganU said...

anonymous- who are you?

Bobby Mac said...

You got me laughing!

Anonymous said...

keep it up morgan - hilarious! x KK

tammyc said...

sooo nice to see you back writing again. love it. keep them coming!