Monday, January 31, 2011

One Flew Over the Coo Coo's Nest

The following entry is a backwards time line of my weekend- enjoy!!!

2:00 pm Sunday – Stepmother, father and I bid goodbye to Vee (my 87 year old grandmother), she is in her new apartment at the elderly community. Her neighbors Camilla and Harold have just introduced themselves and already the three are singing- out of tune, but none of them seem to notice…except for the three of us in the room that do not have hearing aids. Minutes earlier when we told Harold that our unusual last name is of Sicilian decent he went on for a minute about having been to Russia…???

1:38 PM Sunday- We pass a sign for a Super Bowl Sunday Party taped to the door of the library…the party starts at 1pm?? The game starts at 6:30…Dad wonders out loud if they are going to show last year’s game

1:35 pm Sunday: We have just finished a barely edible lunch at Café Coo coo’s Nest and my father is testing my grandmother’s ability to find her way back to apartment 104. We arrive at a door- there is only one option- to push the blue square button, with the international sign for handicapped that annoys me on a daily basis by claiming all the good parking places. After a long pause my father informs my grandmother Vee to press the blue button. She stares at the button and her hand hovers above it. “That one” my father yells. Vee informs us that she is confused because we told her it was blue??…..It is bluer than Tiger Woods balls these days and yet Vee is unable to see this.

1:PM Sunday- We arrive at the restaurant located in the new community. There is walker parking to the right of the doors. When we walk in a waitress is inches from a mans face speaking very loudly “SPRINKLES??? DO YOUUU WAANT SPRINKLES???” The man looks at her and shakes his head- apparently she is not speaking clearly or loudly enough. My father, stepmother and I are the only people in the restaurant under the age of 80, the only ones in the restaurant with hair that is either not there, white or blue.

11:55 pm- Saturday: My Stepmother fights the urge to rip my grandmother’s head off when she asks us why we are so tired. We have only spent the last 10 hours moving all of her worldly possessions and cleaning an apartment that has not been cleaned since before Madonna became a Brit.

4:00 pm- Walking into Vee’s new apartment a neighbor with a cane and an oxygen tank asks me if I am the new neighbor. I make a mental note to look into Botox!

9:33 am Saturday- I pop open a Corona…

8:30 am Saturday- Stepmother and I arrive at Vee’s apartment to move her out. She is confused as to why she is being evicted. We remind her that she almost burnt the place down…twice. She claims that they over reacted- by they she means the neighbors and landlord who value their lives. I have a headache and really bad cotton mouth.

9:00 PM Friday Night- Vee calls my stepmother and I for a third time at my aunts house to ask what the plan for tomorrow is. Again we tell her that we will be at her apartment at 8 AM to mover her into the “new place”. We hang up with “Talk to you again in ten minutes when this thought has left you.”

7:30 PM Friday Night- Stepmother and I arrive at Aunt Lisa’s for the night. We are met by a very angry Mr. Aunt Lisa. He and Mrs. Aunt Lisa are supposed to be leaving for Mexico in the morning. He has just found out that his passport expired in November. Stepmother and I are amazed at the calmness that Aunt Lisa is showing. We are again reminded that Aunt Lisa lives in a wonderful little bubble where things like this happen a lot and go un-phased. Mr. Aunt Lisa takes his anger to the Streets of Saratoga and Stepmother and I open a bottle of Red.

5:15 PM Friday Night- I wave good bye to friends and thank them for their company.

5:00 PM- I fore go the gym for a quick Happy Hour Martini- I may need it with what the weekend is sure to bring!