Oopsie Daisy

This morning woke up from a bad dream. In the dream I found out that I had a thyroid condition and that meant that not only had I been wasting the last month of my time at the gym trying to sweat off my love handles but that I was not going to resemble Twiggy on my France trip what so ever. I woke startled and hit my head on the ceiling. No, I do not live on the 13th1/2 floor like John Malkovich, I on the brink of my 30th birthday am living at my father’s house, sleeping on the top bunk directly above Little Man, my three year old son. This is not what my life was supposed to look like.


Had you asked me 15 years ago what my life would look like at the ripe old age of 30 I would have been able to answer quite easily. I would have told you with quite certainty that I would be married to none other than my high school love. We would have 5 year old twins and we would be living in a log cabin. I would be a teacher, he a skilled tradesman of some sort and together we would take our perfect middle class family camping every other weekend in the summer.

In reality I just got out of a 6 year relationship with Little Man’s father- not my high school sweet heart. He happens to have made a wonderful life for himself and is not sleeping on a bunk bed. I have never been married.

I am newly in the dating market and this time is a bit more complicated than when I was 23. For one thing, I have had a child. No I am not referring to the elasticity of my vagina, I am referring to the fact that I now am unable to look at someone with a booger hanging out of their nose and not reach over and pick it. I am unable to see a cowlick without licking my palm and smearing it down and I find the fact that my son is no longer afraid to poop in the potty to be acceptable dinner conversation. I also have less time to shave my legs let alone landscape the Nether Regions. The thought of a new explorer in those regions makes me ill as well.

I am trying my hardest not to let myself become Bridgette Jones, although on the nights that I do not have Little Man a Magnum bottle of wine, yoga pants and the Bachelor is exactly what I look forward to. I also have just realized that condoms once again will be a part of my future and that Is a fact that I find 100% UNACCEPTABLE.



And So I recreate myself. I am in my new life and I dub thy-self Daisy…Oopsie Daisy, because this is not the life that I had planned but it is the life I have and although accidental- I can honestly say at this point that I wouldn’t change a thing.

PS- I will be starting a new blog for my new life- It will be titled Oopsie Daisy and I will put a link on this blog when it is ready- thanks for reading!!