Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Thanks Indians and Pilgrims

It is that time of year that we gather as families, stuff our faces, and share what we are thankful for. I would like to let you all know what I am thankful for since most of what I am thankful for is not appropriate to share at the table in front of my pretty much in-laws. So here is what I am thankful for in 2009:

1. I can’t believe I am saying this, but I am thankful for The Wiggles. The Wiggles transform my usually hyper child into a zombie- thus allowing me time to drink, blog, facebook get chores done.

2. Tinted windows in my vehicle- so that no one can see how filthy my car is. Also, no one can see when I leave my toddler in the back seat all by himself to quickly run into the mobile station for coffee (OMG she doesn’t really do that, does she?).

3. My cleaning lady- for drastically reducing the amount of fighting with me and PMH. Now, when I see smelly socks in the creases of the couch, I take a deep breath and count the days until Friday.

4. Spanx- need I say more?

5. Living in a small town- because in a small town I am a hottie. Move me to LA and I am the frumpy mother of a two year old that drinks too much and over does the messy pony tail look.

6. I am thankful for Bronzer. Without my faux glow- my over indulgent lifestyle is far too evident. I often see out dated women- you know the ones with perms and bangs and long nails and high wasted jeans and I think OMG, don’t they know how out dated they are. And then I remember that Bronzer will not always be in style, and I face the fact that when that day comes, I will be out dated because pale skin and dark circles is not a good look for me.

7. My family (finally, I thought she was going to totally forget her son!). My PMH and son and our cat are an odd little bunch, but we are a family, and I love them. My father, stepmother, sister, half sister, half brother, step sisters, step brother, brother in law and my pretty much mom and her kids- thanks for ensuring that it take me over an hour to answer the question- do you have any brothers and sisters?

8. My girlfriends for making me feel like I am not the only alcoholic  social drinker on the block- thanks girls!

9. I am thankful for my blog readers, for laughing at me when I have yet again a blonde moment, and for telling me that my down falls make your days better.

10. Thank god for the good and buzzed good ole boys that come into the bar when I am working and make me feel like a hot piece of you know what, even when that you know what is a little bigger and closer to the ground than it was last year.

There are many things that I am thankful for, but the rest of them I should be able to share at the Table.

5 comments:

Brielle said...

Oh my god I was laughing out loud. I am home sick today being a blob on the couch & watching the food network and this definitely just made my day. Thank you!

Optimistic Pessimist said...

i am seriously thankful for my bronzer too. I use it every day. and when it goes out of style i will go out of style with it, because i'm not giving it up.

Anonymous said...

Morgan, I must say finally getting a chance to check out your blog, you certainly have a way with words! I beg to differ on your comments about your "piece of you know what" being closer to the ground! You girls are little hotties no matter where you go and at my age, I am PROUD to say you will NEVER catch me in a pair of high waisted jeans, long pink nails...although I could use a good "chic" haircut! I love the blogs and look forward to the next. Happy Thanksgiving to all my "young girls" that took such great care of my babies when they were born...you know who you are! ;)

Lauren said...

omg morgan!!! that was funny. I miss you all!! Love Lauren

Courtney said...

well, since it is right before the holidays and I am fighting with my mother - fighting with my SILENCE, mind you - I am thankful for vodka, and I don't care who knows it!