Mother Nature...It's Time To Talk

Dear Mother Nature,




Although I have been complaining that my body is no where near the condition that it should be in for the Skimpier clothes that spring demands, I did not want you to bring winter back. I do appreciate being able to wear the bulky sweater today which allows me the freedom of not sucking in, however I had vowed to myself that this year would be the last year that I hang on to my youth by wearing UGG boots. I had completely planned on retiring them, along with my twenties and yet you spring snow on me the last week of April. Mother Nature, I am not impressed. My faux glow that I have been slathering on religiously since the snow melted now looks a little absurd with the turtle neck sweater. I look like "Malibu Barbie in the Arctic". Here's the thing, Winter makes me depressed...Depression makes me drink...Drinking makes me pack on the pounds...packing on the pounds makes me depressed...which makes me drink…It's an endless cycle and it is all your fault. No offense.

Here's what I am going to need you to do. Get rid of the white shit that makes me fat. Replace it with weather that reminds me that summer is coming. When I know that summer is coming I am more likely to exercise, which will make me thin, which will make me happy, which I will celebrate with…a drink.

Any Questions?