You know when you are growing up...and you are a bit naughty...and your parents say to you:
I can't wait until you have children!
I think I know exactly what they were talking about. Both my self and Pretty Much Hubby were not exactly Little Angels. You may have read my blog about being deemed an IMP in my kindergarten report card. Well Ladies and Gentlemen- Payback is a bitch!
Here are a few things that my toddler son has said in the past few weeks. Each time he has a moment like this I am instantly thrust into the future- where he is a teenager and I am totally grey!
1. Last night while watching a movie, a romantic scene came on. Man is gazing dreamily into the eyes of Woman. Nothing happens but the sexual tension is obvious....even to Little Man. He stares at the screen and says "Him is goin in her crib!"
2. Last week, Little Man was crawling around the house on all fours in nothing but a diaper, meowing. He was pretending to be a cat. He told me to take his diaper off. I fought with him until the commercial was over and then wanting to make him quiet so that I wouldn't miss any King of Queens, I gave in and stripped him nude. "See Mommy" He is now on all fours pointing at his penis. "See, I a kitty cat- see my tail?". Even Jerry Stiller cant deliver a line like that!
3. Getting in the face of an extremely hairy older man at the beach, Little Man points, finger almost touching Sasquatch- "Mommy, what is that?". That's what I will never let happen to your father!
4. We are working on getting Little Man to use the right "him" and "her". This is happening at the same time as his curiosity about his little "package" is coming into full swing. He had been asking me as I dress in the morning if I have a penis. I say "no" and tell him that I am a girl and that only boys have penises. Pretty Much Hubby's best friend whom LM calls Uncle enters the house. "Uncle- do you have a penis" Uncomfortably, childless Uncle says "Yes"..to which LM responds excitedly "Can I see it?"
I'm doomed!!!
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I was once told that for a pretty little thing I have a filthy mouth. I like this story because it implies that I am little, and pretty. As for the filthy mouth- F*** it. My writing is supposed to entertain- not offend. However, if you are offended by what I have to say- read someone else's blog. Enjoy!
Let me know what you think!
I get the best satisfaction from blogging when I sign on and see that I have new followers, and when I see that my followers have commented. Brighten my day and comment for crying out loud!
1 comments:
it only keeps getting better...and even more embarassing.
wait till he goes to school ans starts drawing pictures and writing stories!
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