Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I've Got Balls!

Today, on my lunch break I met with...get ready for new...LIFE COACH.  No, this is not going to be like my last diet, or week of sobriety- this is going to last.  We met at a trendy coffee shop- perfect location for my new age adventure.  While sipping an Italian soda and munching on a hummus sandwich I explained to my life coach why I was meeting with her in the first place.  I told her that I want to make my dreams of being a full time writer a reality.  Sip of lemon soda, swallow of hummus toast.  She seemed excited, like I was the perfect client for life coaching.  I told her that I am otherwise satisfied with the place that my life has decided to dwell.  That felt good- because it was actually true.  I am in love.  I have a beautiful (yes he is still beautiful even after I scalped him) child and the majority of my bills are paid..some not on time but that is neither here nor there. 
The only thing that my life is lacking (besides frequent vacations and pretty feet) is fulfillment.  The creative side of me- although often taken for a test driver is not yet on the open road.  I also told her that I need a secure plan in place to make this happen and that is what I need her help with.  Planning is not my strong point- just ask my life coach.  I was supposed to meet her Saturday at the bookstore and totally forgot.  I have the ideas- I just need a bit of help with the follow through. 
I really have been working hard during my few free minutes to make connections in the writing world, blog as often as possible and think positively about the future of Morgan U- World Renowned Writer. 
When going through the list of contacts I have made and people I have seeked out to help my career along my life coach said the best thing a life coach could ever tell a client: "You are going to make know why? Because you've got balls!"  So bloggy fans here's a my balls!

If you would like to check out my writing guru and now life coach- check it out

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Tuesdays Random Thoughts

A glimpse into my thought processes.

Making popcorn in an office setting should be like chewing gum in elementary school- you can only do it if you have enough to share with everyone...or at least me. 

I really need to clean out my fridge because I have gotten to the point where I have to hold my breath before opening it.  I also make a game plan before venturing in as to be in and out in the shortest amount of time possible.  For example last night I had left over spaghetti.  Before grabbing the container I made a check list of what I would need once the door was open.  Container of spaghetti a given, Parmesan cheese- check, extra sauce in case its dry- check, gigantic bottle of wine-which I will pour in a gigantic wine glass so that a) I don't have to go back for a little while to stinky fridge and b) so that I don't feel bad about skipping strength training because I only had one the time I go back to stinky fridge to pour second glass I won't care. 

If I am already doing your laundry and letting you have sex with me...on Saturday's..I think you owe me three months salary in the form of a shiny ring that I can show off to friends and family while saying...see I told you it would happen one day!

Is it Friday yet?

Monday, July 19, 2010

Man, Woman....Wild?

On an average night at our house, I can be found in my kitchen- cooking and watching crime shows or reality nonsense while Honey is in the living room watching the Discovery or History Channel. This past weekend in an effort to spend time together we found a reality show on the Discover channel- perfect compromise. The show was called Man, Woman, Wild. The premise of the show is a married couple- she a journalist, he a "survivor man". Together, they find themselves in the wild. They make shelters, hunt for food and make fires out of sticks. As always my mind starts to wander, and I picture Honey and I in the khaki outfits of our television stars.

Our show would be called Man, Woman, Why. I picture myself excited beyond reason for our survivor style bonding time. I like that Honey does not have a cell phone attached to his ear and that there is no one in the Wild that is going to distract him from spending quality time with me. Often in our real life, business calls halt our "together" time. I am not thrilled with my ensemble ,as khaki is really not a good color on me but beyond that my hopes are high.

The first step in surviving in the wild is to find shelter. In our real life- we have been remodeling our house for over three years, a project that has been a subject of many a bicker between Honey and I. Now, in my head, we are to build a shelter from scratch in the middle of the rain forest- that's right my "survivor" story is in the rain forest. I decide to take Honey's lead- he is the builder in the family after all. If we were to be in a survival situation, I would have to put the nagging aside. Our temporary shelter would not need interior trim or a deck after all- it would be right up Honey's alley.

After securing our new abode, we would need to find food. This is where the fun would begin. Honey would decide that after building a shelter that he needs to relax. I would have not eaten for three hours which is unfathomable to me and I would demand that he get off of his shelter building behind and help me find food. By helping me find food- I of course mean to go find food while I stay at the shelter and make it a little more homey..a nice twig wreath perhaps...some bamboo railings.

In an effort to keep Mama Bear happy- Honey would stomp into the rain forest muttering under his breath about me. Later he would return with whatever rain forest food that he was in the mood for. In our real lives he will volunteer to do the grocery shopping only to come home with strawberries, ice cream, cotton candy and cottage cheese...having spent $60 and an hour. He will argue with you that I do the same...he is never in the mood for the vegetables that I feel the need to purchase.

With bellies full of rain forest berries and edible bugs we would move on to fire building. I am ashamed to say that this too would be a task that would be handed to Honey. I am not doing so well in the survivor-ship contrary to my going along with the wearing of khaki. Honey grew up in a farm family- which is his reasoning behind his survivor skills. I grew up with an attorney for a father and a real estate agent mother. This has left me with great arguing skills, and expensive taste- neither of which is a skill that will help me in the rain forest.

Man, Woman, Wild is over and so is my day dream. I look around and see that I am safe in the confines of my living room- not wearing a speck of khaki- thank god. We are in our un-finished shelter, with heaping bowls of pasta. There is no fire- but the humming of our AC. I realise that we too are surviving. Maybe not the rain forest but the real world. Together we have built shelter, found food and warmth..together. And we are surviving just fine.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Expanding in the Bloggie World

Hey Bloggie fans I have some good news (for me, you may not care...but you should..)  I have started a second blog.  Actually my sister Jess and I have.  It is called Mamma Mia's and it is a foodie blog for foodie moms.  Be sure to check it out at  We will be posting recipes (my sister is a chef), and sharing stories  as if we were sitting around the dining room table together.  We have posted the first recipe for Bloody Mary Cottage Pie- I will be tryin it out this weekend- you should too! 

As always thanks for reading!!!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Oh Brother!

You know when you are growing up...and you are a bit naughty...and your parents say to you:
I can't wait until you have children!

I think I know exactly what they were talking about.  Both my self and Pretty Much Hubby were not exactly Little Angels.  You may have read my blog about being deemed an IMP in my kindergarten report card.  Well Ladies and Gentlemen- Payback is a bitch!

Here are a few things that my toddler son has said in the past few weeks.  Each time he has a moment like this I am instantly thrust into the future- where he is a teenager and I am totally grey!

1.  Last night while watching a movie, a romantic scene came on.  Man is gazing dreamily into the eyes of Woman.  Nothing happens but the sexual tension is obvious....even to Little Man.  He stares at the screen and says "Him is goin in her crib!"

2.  Last week, Little Man was crawling around the house on all fours in nothing but a diaper, meowing.  He was pretending to be a cat.  He told me to take his diaper off.  I fought with him until the commercial was over and then wanting to make him quiet so that I wouldn't miss any King of Queens, I gave in and stripped him nude.  "See Mommy" He is now on all fours pointing at his penis.  "See, I a kitty cat- see my tail?".  Even Jerry Stiller cant deliver a line like that!

3.  Getting in the face of an extremely hairy older man at the beach, Little Man points, finger almost touching Sasquatch- "Mommy, what is that?".  That's what I will never let happen to your father!

4.  We are working on getting Little Man to use the right "him" and "her".  This is happening at the same time as his curiosity about his little "package" is coming into full swing.  He had been asking me as I dress in the morning if I have a penis.  I say "no" and tell him that I am a girl and that only boys have penises.  Pretty Much Hubby's best friend whom LM calls Uncle enters the house.  "Uncle- do you have a penis"  Uncomfortably, childless Uncle says "Yes" which LM responds excitedly "Can I see it?" 

I'm doomed!!!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Oops I Did It Again

I Morgan Solemnly swear to never touch my own head or anyone else's for the rest of my life.  I promise to love, cherish and obey (not sure how to do that) the hair on my head, my Pretty Much Husbands and our poor, innocent recently scalped child's.

I don't quote Brittany Spears very often but being that she shaved her own head and I mistakenly shaved my toddlers I found it fitting so Ill say it again...Oops I Did it Again!

I'm not cheap.  And I am not a hairdresser.  So, it is still unclear to me why I felt that it was necessary to try my hand at barbering on my unarmed Little Man, but I did.  I think it clear now the level of my impulsiveness.  I may even see if I can coin the term "Obsessive Impulsive Disorder".  If we can have "Chronic Dry Eye" and "Restless Leg Syndrome" I think that "Obsessive Impulsive Disorder" or OID should seriously be looked into.  And I should be put under a microscopic lens, poked and prodded and studied carefully. 

I got it in my head....(never a good place for things to be "got") that I could give LM a buzz cut.  One time when we were both drunk and I put PMH's hair on the line in a game of pool only to have lost the game, I buzzed his.  So I guess you can say I'm experienced (?).  I called a friend who let me borrow some clippers.  And I had at it.  Words can not describe the lack of hair on my miniature white supremacist look alike so I have no choice but to display my work.  This is not a proud moment for me.

I'm going to say it again:  I Morgan Solemnly swear to never touch my own head or anyone else's for the rest of my life. I promise to love, cherish and obey (not sure how to do that) the hair on my head, my Pretty Much Husbands and our poor, innocent recently scalped child's.