Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Attention Dr Phil

There are few things in life that are a guarantee. I can gaurantee you that I will be 10 minutes late, my car is perpetually on empty and that if I am home at 5 O clock on a week day (which is no guarantee) that I will be listening to Dr Phil while buzzing around the house cleaning, cooking, sipping wine.
The other day, ( I cant be specific because I have been a day ahead all week) Dr Phil had men and women on discussing Why Men Suck. I think it was worded differently but clearly, if Dr Phil had a few male fans left, they have officially signed off. One of the "had been hurt a zillion times" ladies suggested to Dr Phil that he hold a "Husband Boot Camp". I couldn't agree more. And Dr. Phil if you are reading, I have a few suggestions:

Firstly, I would like the men to have a crash course on CLEANING. Please be sure to cover the following areas.
Sinks- Sinks are not storage places for dirty dishes. They are not miraculously emptied by dish faries that look an awful lot like you wife (or Pretty Much Wife). They are not garbages so please stop sweeping crumbs etc into them. If you are using the bathroom sink, try to think of it as a person, a person who does not like to have toothpaste stuck to him/her for all of eternity. Please Dr Phil cover the sink topic but do not spend too much time on it b/c the men will begin to tune you out.
Hampers- Please show them what one looks like, make them repeat the word over and over...HAMPER HAMPER HAMPER so that when we tell them to put their filthy clothes in it that they don't look at us like we have three boobs and are speaking vietnamese.
Showers- These should happen everyday. If you miss one, you do not need to make the next one last 45 minutes. Once out of the shower please use one of the clean towels that your wife or Pretty Much Wife has so generously left hanging for you...and note to yourself that that same place is where the wet towel should be returned. Dr Phil, please remind them once again that there are no fairies to help out in this situation either. This might be a good place to point out to them that if they put in a few more hours of work a week that we could actually hire a "fairy" to do all of this work, saving many future fights and causes of stress.
Romance- more important now than ever. Again Dr Phil please remind them of how wonderfully they wooed us in the beginning. Please share with them that we fell in love with a romantic guy. Please give them a few romantic ideas...I dont want flowers, I want time. I want planned evenings just the two of us. I want to be asked to do fun things.
Sex- Now Dr Phil this is important. If there is one way that you can get through to these hubbies or PMH's fill them in on a little seceret...we find clean, tidy, romantic men extremely sexy. Honestly, if my Pretty Much Husband were to swiffer the floors and turn on the dish washer without being asked, I would consider that foreplay!


joanna said...

Just forwarded this one to my hubby! You're one funny gal. Thanks for the laff! Have you read this to PMH?