Miss Instant Gratification 2009

And the winner of the 2009 Miss Instant Gratification is..........MorganU!
Vanna, tell her what she has won!
"Well Pat, where do we even begin. MorganU, you have won a lifetime of disappointment. That 4 day diet that promises to make you lose 16 lbs will not only never work but even just 4 days will prove to be too much of a commitment for you. Because of this, you will have a lifetime of arm jiggle all to your very own. But that is not all. You will impulse shop for "needs" that you dont need, can't afford and within hours of purchasing you will not even want. This means you will have an abundance of crap and a bank account that will never add up to much at all!"
"How does a promise of head aches for life sound? Well, you got it! You will have endless head aches from all the wine you will drink to instantly relax.
Ever dreamed of a fantasy vacation? You got it, and it will be accompanied by a credit card bill that will take you years to pay down because you can't afford it...not even a little!"

Vanna, can there possibly be more?

"There can! Miss Instant Gratification of 2009 will be leaving here today with her very own Instant Gratification kit. This includes 1 pair of Spanx, a can of self tanner, hair extensions, a bottle of diet pills, and her very own Instant Gratification Gown that promises to hide all of her imperfections so that she won't actually have to work on them!"
" Congratulations MorganU!''